Being called a groomer for standing up for trans kids
This is going to be an emotional one. As part of an upcoming symposium in October I am giving a talk about Matt Walsh and Erin Reed, comparing how the two use their various platforms promote their ideas and values. Because of this, I have re-engaged with Twitter to see the current attitudes towards trans rights, and over the last month it has blown up into something of a tempest in a teacup. I have been called groomer, pedo, been told I am going to hell, told to fuck off, and this is just the choicest cuts, all for supporting trans rights and the rights of trans kids to be themselves. I am definitely not alone in this experience, but it is giving me a chance to reflect both on my work and my approach to science education.
It should not matter that a random Twitter user calls me a bald pedo and then proceeds to change their Twitter handle to that and use a picture of me as their profile pic, one stolen from my account relating to a hockey match I was just about to play. I should not matter that torrents of abuse are hurled at me for sticking up for a kid’s right to choose their own pronouns. Yet, open my inbox and it comes floating out. The anonymity of the internet allows folk the distance to say and do things that they would never do in real life, meaning that the levels of abuse are practically off the chart. I could pretend and say that using satire is enough to defang them, but on occasion, such as the person who used my image as their profile pic, it stings.
Now, you say, why would I continue to put up with such abuse? Initially I reported any abuse to Twitter that I thought was getting too personal, but Twitter in its post-Musk version does not see the issue with any of it. So why stick around, why not simply refuse to engage with the platform? For nearly 13 years that was my usual take on Twitter, nice to have, just there in the background. Then, due to my research, I decided to re-engage because I could not simply ignore the volume of anti-trans commentary on the platform. On the one hand I could easily just park it, on the other I lose a valuable research tool.
So, am I simply being masochistic at this point? There is a part of me that wonders if I actually enjoy the abuse, for why else do I continue to poke the bear and let it turn on me. I was bullied heavily from age eight to sixteen, so I am used to being picked on without any adult support or care, so dealing with abuse is par for the course. Yet, in this incarnation they are taking core parts of my personal truth, my hair loss, my research, my openness, and weaponizing them against me. Being called a pedo in the current age of child protection is tantamount to the gravest sin a person can commit, yet they do so with such abandon that it becomes a slogan at this point. They assume it wounds me, assume that simply stating the lie that some mud will stick. In weaving my personal truth with their lies they seek to create a false narrative about me.
And this does not even begin to cover the false narratives surrounding trans kids. Many of those abusing me deny outright that trans kids exist, and that any trans child has been groomed by the adults and social media surrounding them. It is the buying in to the narrative without critically engaging with the sources they are citing that makes it hard for them to handle anything other than complete agreement. They cannot see the inherent contradiction in their approach to trans children, that in denying their existence they are denying the child the right to personal autonomy and loving support. They attack people like me who support a child’s right to gendered self because they have been taught that doing so somehow makes the world a better place. Scream child abuse long enough and all the other reasoned answers get drowned out.
This matters to me on a deep fundamental level. I hate bullies, I hate being bullied, and I hate people who weaponize bullying even more. To bully someone is to try to gain power over them, show that you are the one who wields control. It comes from a position of weakness, a need to assert authority where they originally had none. The cyber bully’s frame of success is shutting you down, cowing you into silence, or extracting something from you that does not rightfully belong to them. There are real world consequences to this bullying in that they can dox, harass, SWAT, and otherwise attempt to harm you, which is why it needs to be called out at every turn.
I choose to stay on Twitter because it is an avenue to engage with these issues. I post images of myself because I have to stop being scared of my looks as they are now, not pining for what they once were. I talk about my work and trans issues because it is so deeply personal, and I will not stop simply because a cyber bully calls me vile names. Yes, maybe this is slightly fool hardy, and yes, maybe I am just being Don Quixote, but I have the time and space to do the advocacy, so I will continue doing it. No bully wins if you continue, they only win if they succeed in shutting you down.
